


Better man

by mhb



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Not Beta Read, i wrote this during an all nighter, this is a stream of consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:07:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25298125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhb/pseuds/mhb
Summary: Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you againBut I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better manInspired by Better Man by Little Big Town
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Kudos: 11





	Better man

They fell in love slowly. It began in high school. Atsumu had confessed to Kita after Kita’s graduation. Kita gave him his second button. It was wonderful, sharing kisses in the summer heat. However, it changed when Atsumu was scouted to join the MSBY Black Jackals Men’s Volleyball Team at the end of Atsumu’s third year. All of Inarizaki rejoiced when he got the offer. Even the Miyas’ mother had taken out an advert in the newspaper. Everyone came out of the woodwork to get their last shot with the star. 

Now, Kita knew he needed to leave Atsumu. Kita had always thought he had a strong will and was independent but that wasn’t true. It took all his reserve to get out of the bed with the heavy figure beside him. Kita glanced at himself in the bedroom mirror. His face was illuminated by the moonlight seeping in through the window. Kita noted how pale, sickly his skin looked and the bags under his eyes. What a long four years, it’ll be a miracle if Kita can even recognize himself after this. Truth is that Kita doesn’t even know who he is or he was before Atsumu. 

‘I need to do this’, he thought. 

When he was the focus of Atsumu’s attention, it felt like the sun was shining upon him. Kita felt like the center of the universe. And when Atsumu’s attention was diverted, it felt like the loneliest, coldest place on Earth. Kita didn’t understand just how long a second could be until he met Atsumu, every second together felt like forever. Atsumu could make hours feel like days and days feel minutes. Kita worked harder to make sure there was no one else that steals Atsumu’s attention away from him. It didn’t work. Kita always knew if Atsumu was thinking about someone else during their times together. 

They had everything perfect, it even had with a bow on top but it eventually became unraveled. 

It was soon after Atsumu began training with his teams that Kita realized that he was woefully out of shape compared to his athletic boyfriend. He saw a few comments about his body when he had gone to a gala with Atsumu. He began to eat less and less. He knew that some of Atsumu’s fans made fun of him when Atsumu and he were first-sighed in Kobe together. It worked for a while, Atsumu even commented on his boyfriend’s shrinking figure.  
“Now, you fit into my arms perfectly,” Atsumu grinned snaking his arm around Kita’s waist. 

It felt good until Kita had let up during the holidays and Atsumu had purposefully bought him a shirt too small.

“I’d thought it would fit you, it would’ve fit you when you were smaller like in high school,” Atsumu shrugged. Kita had kept the shirt in his closet for inspiration. That was the day, he began to pick at his skin till it bled. Just another thing to fix, Kita mentally noted.

Kita was not expressive, he would often get mistaken for being stone-cold back in high school. He wasn’t outwardly excited about much. He didn’t look at Atsumu with stars in his eyes like a certain orange-haired wing spiker. He didn’t worship the ground Atsumu walked on. And Atsumu didn’t make Kita fly like he did for Hinata. For weeks, all Atsumu could talk about was the newest member of the Black Jackals. Kita heard the undertones of the conversation even though Atsumu tried to hide under bewilderment. Kita would never shine like Hinata in Atsumu’s eyes. 

For a while, Kita was perfect in Atsumu’s eyes. That was until Sakusa Kiyoomi signed with the Black Jackals after claiming the collegiate championship. Atsumu was over the moon, Kita always had a suspicion that Atsumu had a crush on Sakusa in high school. Kita could overcome that because he was the one who got to hold Atsumu while he cried after they lost Inter-high. Atsumu’s eyes didn’t shine the way they did when talking about Hinata. They shone with rivalry, jealously, or maybe infatuation. Kita remembers the weekends when he visited and all Atsumu could talk about was Sakusa’s gross wrists and how gross his spikes were. That was the day that Kita learned that the word ‘gross’ is a synonym for perfect. 

Kita felt pressure in his chest as he made his way around the dark bedroom. He didn’t feel anything except the overwhelming emptiness of the consequences that will soon entail his parting. He packed quickly and fled the room but stopped to glance at the figure sleeping on the bed. Kita walked back and placed a soft kiss on the sleeping man’s forehead. Kita didn’t feel weak but he didn’t feel particularly strong. 

Atsumu cheated. He swears it was a mistake. An honest mistake. Just a face in the club. He had confessed this to Kita one night, drunk. It had blindsided Kita.  
“You shouldn’t have made me jealous! I saw how you were with Aran. You were all over him.” Atsumu hissed.  
“I am not going to apologize to you for cheating on me!” Kita stood in disbelief. Did Atsumu really think that Kita would cheat? He remembered that party where Kita and Aran were sitting closely on the couch while Atsumu was off chasing after Hinata. Kita threatened to leave Atsumu’s apartment.

“It’s not like you gonna go anywhere,” He snapped. For a moment, Kita saw red. But inside he knew that could never leave.

Atsumu was a star. No, Atsumu was the world. Atsumu was Kita’s world. Kita was drawn to Atsumu and if he didn’t leave now, he’d be forever orbiting around Atsumu, never close enough to touch. Atsumu’s presence would forever draw him in, even when Kita watched the games on TV, he wanted to stand next to Atsumu. Kita wanted to be the first person to congratulate Atsumu for winning. Kita wanted to be the last person Atsumu saw before he fell asleep at night. 

Kita put his all into the relationship. He was attentive and doting. Atsumu tried but eventually stopped caring. He made his schedule around Atsumu. He drove to Atsumu’s apartment in the city every other week since Atsumu couldn’t be bothered to drive to Kita’s farm. 

“There’s nothing to do there.” Atsumu huffed when Kita had brought it up.

‘But I’m there,’ Kita thought but bit his tongue. It was obvious that Kita wasn’t enough to keep Atsumu entertained for the weekend.

Every date was planned carefully by Kita. Every single one of them was ruined meticulously by Atsumu. One time at midnight on their third year anniversary, Atsumu stumble into the apartment smelling like vodka and sweat. Kita pretended to not wake up with Atsumu sank into the spot next to him. 

“What are you doing here?” Atsumu grumbled as he came into contact with Kita’s body.

It took all weekend for Atsumu to remember why Kita came on that specific weekend. 

“I’ll make up to you! Our fourth anniversary will be amazing.” Atsumu promised after he had given Kita a gaudy watch. Kita never wore it. It would get ruined in the field. For Atsumu, gifts were purely just money. Kita just wanted Atsumu to think about what Kita would have wanted or given at least given him something sentimental but it never happened. It was always designer clothes and pricey outings. 

Kita wanted something meaningful. It was already too late for all that. 

Kita wondered how they lasted this long. Did Atsumu only like Kita because Kita was unwavering and reliable? Was it just the comfort of memory and repetition that draws them together? If so, the relationship was nothing like how it was in the beginning.

They could have had the world. They could have gotten married. 

Ideas like that were fantasies and in this relationship, there was no room for them. No only thing left of their partnership was the memories. Even those will fade. 

None of this would have happened if Atsumu was a better man. No matter how much Kita wished for Atsumu to become a better man. He knows it will never happen


End file.
